The last week has been bad I feel like all I want to do is cry and there isn't a reason to be crying. My mind won't stay on any one thing long enough to finish anything which makes me even more depressed. My meds aren't working and I know that I need something else but don't know if the doctor will give me anything new. I've been on lithium. depakote, lithium and depakote together, Zoloft, Prozac, abilify, and right now I'm on cymbalta. They all worked for a while but would almost overnight go from controlling things to doing nothing and it's happening again. I'm going in and out of depression into hypomania and back within 24 hour cycles and don't know who I'll be when and if I get out of bed each day. I'm seeing my general doctor on Tuesday and hope we can come up with something cause I don't know how much longer I can keep it together without either running away or just going to bed and not getting up for a month as I don't know which way I'm going to go.
I have this one tape that gets going in my brain that says no one needs me , no one will miss me if I'm gone and start putting together a plan to just disappear. And almost every time either the phone will ring or I'll get an email from someone saying they need me for something so I get out of the loop for a day until my mind starts it all over again. I know that it's a faulty tape and I should find a way to destroy it but so far I haven't figured out hoe to do that. It's been my biggest demon for as long as I can remember.
I'll write again after I see the doctor and hopefully get on a med that will help me to get on the right road to get back to my knitting and other crafts.
Goodnight & Goddess Bless
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